Herpes Advice by Aunt Martha

Some recent questions:

Dear Aunt Martha,

How do you get herpes? Can you get herpes from hot tubs, towels or toilet seats? Or what about steam
rooms or saunas?

Allan

Dear Allan,
It is possible to get herpes from towels, toilet seats or hot tubs or steam rooms or saunas. However, it is
most unlikely. I would think you are more likely to get hit by lighting. Herpes is transmitted by sexual
contact, which can include kissing. That is it, pure and simple.

Sincerely,
Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

Does it ever get any better? I am so discouraged. I have had herpes for 3 years now, and have cried my
eyes out, gotten angry too, and I am tired of staying home by myself watching TV. I hate having
outbreaks.
Sandra

Dear Sandra,
Yes, it does and will get better. I suggest you look around this site more. Be sure to read "Herpes is Not
The End of The World" article. Read this first, and then look around the site more. You will learn how to
prevent outbreaks. After you have had a good look at this helpful herpes site, feel free to get back to me.

Sincerely,
Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

I am sooooo tired of having herpes, and so discouraged too. I haven't met a woman in ages, and part of
the reason is my low self esteem regarding herpes. I haven't been to bed with a woman for about 7 years,
and I am tired of sleeping alone all the time, and being alone so much. What can I do?

Thomas.

Dear Thomas,

Lots of people are in the same boat as you, believe it or not. I have heard of the term "revirginization"
recently, and while some people want to reclaim this state for religious purposes, others achieve
something like it by just not having sex for a long time. I have heard of men and women who have
expressed concerns that they will feel awkward, like a virgin, when they finally meet someone they want to
have sex with. I suggest you just relax, and be yourself. By not thinking about your herpes, your true self
will come out more easily, and you will attract someone for a relationship with, and someone who will
want to have sex with you. And you won't forget how to do it, it's like riding a bicycle, once you know, you
always know!

Sincerely,
Aunt Martha.

Dear Aunt Martha,

I am concerned about passing the zoster along through shedding. I have heard that we can pass the
disease even if we are not having an actual outbreak. I want to find out about preventing herpes
outbreaks. The only helpful thing I found on the net was to use a condom, but that was not very
comforting to me. Any help or comments appreciated.

Thanks, Roger.

Dear Roger,

That is something that concerns us all, me included. I have researched viral shedding a lot, and here is
what I have learned. First, it seems that medical researchers cannot easily determine exactly when viral
shedding is orrcuring, except during an outbreak, which is obvious. To know when it is occuring at other
times, the medical researchers would have to do daily tests, even if there are no outbreaks, for a long time
without interruption. I have not heard of such research, though perhaps it has been done. (If any readers
know, please tell me.)

It seems most likely that viral shedding of the herpes simplex virus starts to occur before an outbreak, and
then during an outbreak of course, and then for a while after the outbreak. If one doesn't have outbreaks,
or even have an "almost outbreak", then viral shedding is less likely to happen. (An "almost outbreak"
might be defined as getting symptoms that are so mild that they are probably not noticed, and definitely
not bothersome, and which may seem just like a very slight irritation which is passed off as being a heat
rash or something.)

From the research I have done, it seems that there are 3 factors involved in infecting someone else. First,
it is the QUANTITY or AMOUNT of the virus. From the above it can be surmised that there are times
when the quantity or amount of the virus is relatively small. The second factor is the STRENGTH of the
virus. The virus is in a weakened condition, actually dying, when it does not have support to keep it alive.
For instance, the virus can stay alive on a towel used by someone who has herpes, but it is getting weaker
by the minute once it is deposited there. So if you use a towel that had the virus on it for an hour, it will be
in a weaker state than any viruses on a freshly used towel. The third factor is the RESISTANCE of the
other person. If that person has a very strong immune system, then they are less likely to get it. (For
comparison, you probably know some lucky people with naturally strong immune systems who don't get
the flu when everyone else is getting it.)

Myself, I take the herpes herbs and I don't have outbreaks. I had a long term partner who took the herpes
herbs along with me, and in over 3 years did not become infected. Coincidence? It is probably impossible
to prove one way or the other, but I truly believe the herbs were the reason I did not pass the virus along.
You can go to the link below to find out how to prevent sores.

There are also many triggers which can be the causes outbreaks if you have the virus in your body. You
can go to the picture page to find out about herpes symptoms in men.

Having said all of this, I need to always remind the readers of this herpes advice column that I am not a
doctor, and these are my thoughts only, and may not be the same as some medical authorities.

Best wishes, Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

Can 2 people who are both infected with HSV-2 enjoy a normal sexual relationship? We have just been
diagnosed and he is concerned about having to live a sexless life because we will always have to be
wondering who is shedding the virus and will we transmit sores to other places on the body and all that
good stuff. I'm not as concerned with having the virus as I am with keeping this relationship together.
Also, do you know of any over the counter herpes remedy.

Zena

Dear Zena,

It is possible for you and your partner to enjoy a good sexual relationship. Notice I used the word "good",
instead of "normal". You are past being able to have a "normal" sex life. (What's "normal" anyway?)

With precautions, you can certainly have an active sex life, and not worry about transmitting sores to
other places. I suggest you read "The Complete, No Drug, Herpes Relief Program", which you get free
with Herpesgone. It has a great deal of information regarding this.

My intuition is telling me that your partner may actually have other concerns about your relationship,
which do not relate to herpes. It may be a good time for both of you to look inward, and do some serious
relationship work. You can start with books on this topic, and then seek out relationship workshops and
possibly some couples counselling. Reassure your partner that you will not have to live sexless lives. The
best thing is to learn how to prevent outbreaks. You may find an over the counter herpes remedy that will
help speed up the healing after the herpes symptom has appeared, but prevention of outbreaks is the best
remedy.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha

I've had HSVII for 10 years, and two days ago, I found out it's now in my eye. My alternatives are small.
My doctor suggested I start taking steroid eye drops, but the down side is: a) for "at least" 2 years, and b)
it changed my natural immune system so I can not fight it on my own. I haven't been able to find ANY
information with regard to this. Only thing I've seen is Chickenpox in the eye, but not HSVII. If you have
any information, suggestions, know anything, I would really appreciate help. I do not want to go blind,
literally, and figuratively.

Kate

Dear Kate,

I can relate to your fears. A few years ago, I had unexplained sore eyes, and my vision became slightly
blurred. I felt panicky and afraid, and feared I had somehow infected my eyes. It turned out to be OK, but
I know what it feels like. This was before I knew of any herbs etc. to strengthen the immune system, and
fight infection.

Now, SPEAKING FOR MYSELF, I would be willing to do almost ANYTHING, if I were in your position.
First, seek immediate medical attention from an opthomologist. I have heard from a writer to this site that
steroid eyedrops will compromise the immune system, and herpes lesions will be worse. So if these are
prescribed to you, you may want to get a second opinion, or even a third opinion. This is something I don't
know about for sure, as I am not a doctor.

And there's more that you can do.......this is non-doctor advice, but it's what I would do if I were in your
position. Taking the following action can't hurt, and it just MAY make a difference:

Immedietly stop using caffeing, tobacco, food additives (read ALL labels!) junk food. Avoid sunlight,
including tanning beds, fatigue, stress, overwork. Get lots of sleep. Take garlic capsules, and Herpesgone.

I can't guarantee this will work. I don't know. But I know that I'd sure do it.

Love, Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

Help! I cannot find any consistent information on whether genital herpes can cause miscarriage. I had an
outbreak at about 9 weeks and miscarried at 12 weeks. I know I'll never know definitively why I
miscarried, but I've heard enough conflicting information about herpes and miscarriage that I'm very
confused and concerned about what I should/should not do in the future once pregnant again. Can you
advise or refer me to any sound reference material? I've already talked to 3 MD's and heard 3 different
stories. I also want to learn more about oral herpes, and if you can tell me where I can find a herpes
picture.

Beth

Dear Beth,

I don't think herpes in itself can cause a miscarriage. But I do know that stress, and negative thoughts and
emotions can cause physiological reactions. You would certainly be experiencing stress, being pregnant,
and worrying about giving birth with herpes. This is very understandable.

The care and treatment of oral herpes is the same as for any genital herpes treatment. You can find a
herpes pictures elswhere on this site.

I suggest the following: Continue to educate yourself as much as you can, regarding childbirth and herpes.
(search the net...there's lots out there) Also, learn some meditation techniques, and practice meditation at
least twice a day. There are "stress buster" audio programs that you can buy to help in this regard.
Perhaps get help from a hypnotherapist, relating to any possible negative thoughts you may have about
giving birth under these circumstances. (These thoughts may be subconscious.....and you may not be
aware of them at a conscious level.) And lastly, practice good health, especially as it relates to herpes. No
alcohol, tobacco, junk food, caffeine, etc. Use herbs to keep your immune system strong, so you are not
likely to have an outbreak at the time of birth. I know you are going through a lot, and it's not easy. I will
say a little prayer for you.

Love, Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

I've had female herpes for just over a year. A few months ago I started using some herbs I saw advertised
on the net, and have experienced a lot of relief. I now feel ready to start looking for a relationship again,
but I am worried about rejection when I tell a potential partner. Basically, I am lonely, confused, worried,
and scared about telling someone else, and don't know what to do. What should I do?

Sue J., Ft. Lauderdale FL

Dear Sue,

Well, I certainly know how you feel! I've been there and know the feeling well. You should have some
informative literature for your new potential partner to read when the time is right. Such literature can
probably explain things better than you can, especially when you are in a worried frame of mind. Let me
tell you about how I handled it one time.

I had dated this guy for a while, and was wanting to get intimate, (and knew that he was too) but I was
also fearing rejection when I told him. On a romantic night when it was starting to happen, I blurted out
that I had herpes, but it wasn't that bad, and I had something he could read that would explain it all. He
read it, (actually he read only certain parts of it) and then put it down and smiled. He then held me close,
and kissed me. We were in bed a few minutes later. I can't speak for anyone else, and I don't pretend that
it is always that easy. But the point is: Educate yourself, and have some educational material on hand to
bring out at the right time. Good luck! Female herpes is the same as male herpes, or herpes on the penis
by the way.

Aunt Martha
PS: When you order Herpesgone online, you will get a free 19 page ebook, and I suggest you print this
book to have handy to show someone when the time arrives.

And please note: I am not a doctor. Anything you read here should not be considered medical advice.
Consult with your doctor for medical advice. This page and the pictures of herpes is a good place to start
when you first ask yourself how do you know if you have herpes.

I don't know everything about life, or everything about herpes, but I know this: We are not just physical
beings. There is a part of us which is spiritual, and a part of us which is emotional too. And all three parts
are connected. The main thing most people are concerned with when they first get herpes, is healing
physicaly. They want the outbreaks to stop.

They usually don't want to hear about anything emotional or spiritual. But I have found that for us to heal
physicaly, we have to do some emotional and spiritual healing too. This involves releasing the stored up
anger we usually have about getting herpes. This can involve anger towards the person who gave us
herpes, anger towards God, or the world or anything else. There is almost surely anger of some kind
involved. Releasing this anger is necessary for our emotional well being. Ways of dealing with this anger
are available through various therapy methods. You can find help with releasing anger by looking for
workshops and therapists that specialize in this. It will also be helpful to find a support group which deals
with herpes.

Spiritual healing involves forgiveness. Eventually, you will come to a place where you will feel OK about
forgiving the one who gave you herpes. This does not mean you have to like them, or want to be with them
anymore. It just means that you understand they too are human, and imperfect like you and me. And they
make mistakes, and sometimes they let their passions rule them, just like we all do. You may want to do
some work on forgiving yourself too. Perhaps you feel guilt or shame about getting herpes. Perhaps you
think it was something you deserved, or that it is punishment for something you have done. When you get
over this, and forgive the other person, and yourself, you will feel much better physicaly as well as
emotionally. Finding a support group (or starting one yourself) will be of great help here. Physical healing
then follows a lot easier.

With love, Aunt Martha

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